So drunk, too bad you don't want this
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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