There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
