hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need help removing her.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
