The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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