The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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