Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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