Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit