I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?