Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
COCAINE IS GR8
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
