I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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