WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
