Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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