Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
