Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
