The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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