New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
