I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
