She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
