You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
