it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
