one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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