happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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