if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
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he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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