May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
