dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
