according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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