you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
