Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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