I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
