do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
