I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
