so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I enjoy the company of your penis
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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