I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
