listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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