I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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