I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
