no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
