Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize