just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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