Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
