Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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