Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
