I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
