we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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