ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
