remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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