lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
