3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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