My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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