I want to have your abortion
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
