You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
