420 ftw
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize