Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
