he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
