How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
