She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you had me at cake vodka
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
