I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
