I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My ATM looks so different sober.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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