On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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