you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
