is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Pants are for mortals
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