marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wakey wakey hands off snakey
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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