Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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