i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
