I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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