$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
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If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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