She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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