i don't like sucking hair
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
