he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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