I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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