So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
