guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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