my mouth tastes like poor choices
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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